EEC

oy, oy!

The beginning of the week was so cool! As I was getting a bit homesick, every opportunity of leaving the city and travel seemed just perfect. So this week started with European Economic Congress in Katowice. Really nice organized, I’d say one of the biggest, except Forum in Davos, nothing can beat it , economic events in Europe. Well done, Katowice, I almost enjoyed every debate I attended, though I attended two only and the first was even more boring than the 2nd part of Twilight.

But I had fun, spend some quality time there.

 

For I’ve been curious of all this ‘excitement’ related with Avengers, I went to the movies. Finally I get all the jokes on 9gag. For me, this movie is one big disappointment and a waste of time and money. I shouldn’t write this, but if you haven’t seen it, don’t. Or at least don’t pay for cinema tickets, just download it, sleep while watching and simply remove from your PC. The plot is a lame, everything that could’ve been ruined- was ruined, special effects- WHAT special effects? The only good thing was the cast- really good actors, nice bodies, so good to look at. Thor, I won’t mind finding you in my bed, really.

Are you hammered, bro?

 

More about Katowice. Well, I thought Warsaw is disorganised just before EURO2012. Nope. Katowice is disorganised even more! Thank God, everything at EEC was in a walking distance, no need to use public transport. I couldn’t help the feeling that the city is quite small. And definitely grey. And sad. Seemed to me like something has sucked up all the colors and left it that way. Anyways, maybe after all renovations, reconstructions etc. etc. the city will show its spirit. Now I find it hidden.

 

Like every trip, even the small one, it has its song. Let me represent you Official EEC 2012 song:

Also found this on 9gag: http://9gag.com/gag/4189646 couldn’t upload it here, somehow :< but it cracks me up so check it.

And who knows, maybe in a month I’ll be in Prague again!

tc!

 

 

 

thinking is good, it keeps you alive

Lately, as usual, I’ve been analyzing some totally girly stuff that I try to avoid so badly. Of course and as always I failed in avoiding it, sometimes it just hits you and keeps you that way for a while.

So it did this time, hit me and stayed here, in my mind, for a little while, long enough to make up some conclusions.

I thought I’m over it. It’s been about a year, I should totally be good with everything I’ve been through. On top of that, usually I’d probably be building something new with someone else, whoever and whatever, that’s what usually happens to me. Why not this time?  Well, I have my own theory and it’s not the ‘post material’

The thing is- last week I reached one of the highest levels of so called emotional yo-yo. Everyone knows who is to blame. And as I was having this yo-yo crappy thing, I got myself so down in the dumps that I don’t really remember when was the last time I felt so bad. Anyway it’s also not a ‘post material’. What is it- well, it’s ‘being strong no matter what’.

If I wrote you a love song, it would be more Kelly Clarkson type than Taylor Swift. I heard it somewhere and totally agree.

Some call me strong, yet I don’t see myself this way and never have. If I was strong, I wouldn’t react so intensively on heart-breaking actions of jerks, who are not really jerks, yet chose to be one towards me (for a change- they’ve been cute too long, so it’s time to act assholish, why the hell not?). I wouldn’t, right?

So what’s the definition for a strong person?

Is it someone with the most harmful life story? Someone who never gives up? Who has the strength to fight for his/her beliefs?  Who’s not afraid to speak when everyone’s keeping the silence? Someone who’s been through beautiful yet painful story and after that tries to build, create the new world, the new reality for him/herself?

What are your definitions? Do you have any?

I want to be this strong (whatever the definition is), independent woman. But there is one weakness that prevents me to be so. Finally this weakness let himself be out of my life. And though I still have this weird feeling that it’s not the end of the whole story… well, it’s the end for now. Cause I’m done swallowing my pride and doing crazy, irrational things just to show some, lets call him, unfaithful that attachment and affection is enough to build something. No, I’m not going to do that anymore, because it’s time for me to become stronger, stronger for myself, not for the perspective of ‘US’ that became so unreal that even I don’t want to believe in it. So I made myself be the same unfaithful one instead.

Time to get selfish, haji.

May should be a great/busy/intensive month. A lot of stuff is going to happen. That’s good- a lot of thing to write about!

Take care y’all!

la femme au miroir

No one said it’ll be easy. No one even mentioned that with every single day it’ll get even harder. You can’t or should not love somebody like this. Not after the story that happened. But that’s the way it is now and I can’t help it. With every part of me, every and each piece of my existance. Everyday a little less, but each day a bit more. The amount of contractions is killing.

now…

I am not Adele, I don’t wish you the best. Cause honestly and no matter what, I’m the best that ever happened to you.

And now I have to believe in what I’ve just written. Wish me luck.

letters to love

Some feelings will never change.

Some people will always be broken.

As I was reading old letters, I started to regret. Regret finding them, regret reading them, but first- regret ever writing them. Because after all, I wouldn’t have anything to remind me how much I loved. And- how fucked in this I was and still am.

Nothing more to add.

Praha! :)

Ain’t that an awesome trip? I didn’t want to leave this lovely city, not fully satisfied and wanting more! It was good to meet up with a friend and have one, two, five dark Czech’s beers… and tequila… and becherovka shots. Drink and talk, I really enjoyed it; hanging over though for a whole day after drinking session .

The city of Prague is definitely the one you should visit at least once. So beautiful! Worth getting lost there! It feels like time passes there slowly, just like in time machine – everything a bit older, beautiful buildings, cafeterias, bridges, just life in slow motion. If you’re looking for breathtaking city views, city of Kafka is the one to visit. Plus it’s not that expensive. Even though I kept comparing currencies and everything seemed too expensive for a student, I must say that they have really cheap and amazingly good beer. I recommend dark one (imo waaaay better!) in U KRALE BRABENTSKEHO, also heard that the best one you can get U HROCHA below the castle. The place (sort of) confirms the quality of this beer, since it’s crowded and I didn’t manage to try it. Next time!

If you’re Kafka-freak, you should see his tiny house in Hradcany, Zlata Ulicka. But be careful, a lot of Czechs don’t know where it is and will give you the directions to Kafka’s Museum – totally different thing . Kafka’s house is unbearably cute! Oh, and you have to pay for the entrance. BUT I can recommend coming on tuesday early afternoon- a lot of spanish tourists, you just get in with the crowd. So I’ve seen it without spending one single penny on it, damn you Ania!

Czech’s are famous for their beer. It is impossible to go there and not to drink a lot/ a little or just try. After the alcohol, we all know that, some become philosophers. And so did my friend. Smart one! This trip (and a friend) made me think how complicated life can be. And so I heard and totally agree with it, if it’s not complicated then human nature will make it this way. That’s just the way we are; simple and complicated at the same time. Looking for simplicity, we tend to make things more complex. Looking for the answers, we can’t see them while they’re just in front of us. Every decision is hard; especially the ‘let go’ one.

border line balance

I feel so sorry for myself I wanted sooo badly to be more fluent in this posting thing, but  it doesn’t work. I need more self-discipline. For sure. In every area

As always I got mindfucked and had a huuuge storm all over my brain. It’s hard to describe how I hate this state of mind. Just sitting and thinking, doing nothing but thinking, what can be less prodictive than this? It’s good to…emmmm… explore yourself once in a while, BUT once in a while, not one milion times in a row. Anyways, what I’ve been thinking about, well, the area, hasn’t actually changed. So I’m not going to bore you with this stuff and go to another.

The title of this post is ‘border line balance’ as I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot during past days. Knowing there’s always a border line for everything, I am pretty sure I mastered this border line balance as a skill. Not sure if it’s good, gave myself a little time to think about that. So I’ve been thinking, consulting my thoughts with people with bigger life experience, thinking, consulting, thinking and ended up with no simple conclusion. I guess this conclusion doesn’t exist or is different for everyone. I haven’t found mine, so it’s something I should work on .

Gosh, I’m 20. Isn’t it the best moment to build your network for the future life? Meet people, build friendships, try different jobs, see new places? EXPERIENCE life? It is I think. Recently a few of my closest ones, in my opinion, have lost their minds for that totally. I can’t see anything good in losing yourself for the idea of a hippie alike kind of life living. I mean, of course there are some possitive things, like experiencing stuff, but after a while you wake up with no perspectives for your future. This hippie-storm ends and when it does all you want is a stability, but you have no conditions to reach it. Is it a time-waste?

I really envy people who can live without a plan. Catching the moment, taking life as it is and pretending in front of everyone that ‘yeah, I am alright, I know what I do, that’s what I want and how I want it, so why worry?’ when you’ve never been more lost. No plan, or a plan that is even dumber than having no plan. I find carpe diem quite attractive yet not for me.

This weekend I’m hitting Prague So excited! Last time I’d been there, I was like 5 or little more, don’t remember much. I’m prepared for some serious sight-seeing! Definitely will write some about this trip when I get back.

So it’s time for me to go to Prague and do some border line balance over there! So seductive!

disappointment

Always build your motivation on rational thinking, that’s what I’ve been told lately. That’s how it should work. You think, you create, you enjoy the results. While thinking, you sure as hell should be at least a little reasonable. That’s better. That’s what I’ve heard. But when it comes to me; and I’m  sure you, the Reader, have noticed that; it never works this way. No matter how hard I try, I end up making emotional fucking decisions. Damn you intuition. You never betrayed me, should shut the fuck up though.

Clearly I am mad. Having no one to blame is not helping, actually I’m pretty sure I don’t have any rational reason to be mad. Everything’s good, on the other side- everything’s not like it’s supposed to be. As we grow up, we create an image of ourselves in the future. Life verifies it each day; makes us change plans; requires flexibility; poses us between options to decide. As we’re being raised we gain what gives us motivation and determines future – values, knowledge, skills. Quite helpful, sometimes making life more complicated.

First part of this post was written on tuesday, 7th of February. Then I decided to wait a little with posting it, so that the post itself would be, first of all, longer but also a bit more ordered. I also thought that after Stockholm I’ll be having some new, kinda freshy thoughts. And here you are. What I heard is I’m the most dramatic person on this world who is pulling others down, the person with conservative racist family and other stuff that can be summed up in one sentence ‘walking drama that doesn’t deserve anything more than huge kick in the ass and get the fuck out of my life message’. Maybe I’m overinterpreting, maybe not. For sure I am mindfucked a bit. Too soon to say I don’t give a damn about what I heard.

It’s not the first time when I’m thinking about the border line for any relation. There has to be something like that and I think I crossed it a long time ago. As the relationships change levels and transform, every and each has such border line that you should not cross, don’t even try to balance on this line, it’s unhealthy and the fall from it hurts even more.

From this day on, no second fucking chances. Either way you fuck it or make it work. Puss puss!

 

can I get a piece of this? and a piece of that?

This day would have been tiring if I haven’t met a crazy bus driver on my way back home, who made my day somewhat. Actually during this week I haven’t had much time to think about anything except me being sick, me missing some people, me missing someone really special to me and me in the middle of exam session.

So yeah a lot of deep thoughts rolling around in their hipster way.

Which I am not going to share, at least not tonight. Tomorrow I’m having my last exam, so need to study. I’m posting this just because I promised myself and those who read this once in a while, that tuesdays are going to be my ‘Write a Post on a Blog’ day.

That’s what I do. But enough talking, lets count!

864000 seconds

14400 minutes

240 hours

10 days

Title? I have no idea!

You know the feeling when you sit down in front of your computer willing to write extremely hilarious and true post and you end up writing nothing? Sure you do. It happens sometimes. Healing Emptiness. Happens to me a lot!

One reason for that is when I finally sit down and try to think (I know, I know, me thinking? I mean REALLY? ) I have this massive brainstorm not only in my brain BUT all over my body (if brainstorm can affect your body ;P).

But here I am, with another brain storm and look at me! WordPress counted 100 words by now, I feel like I’m flying!

Oh, yes, the thing with Ania. Great fluency at posting, one of new years resolutions- to change it and here I am, January’s soon to end and this is my very first post this year. Well done, should be proud of myself. <clap clap>

But come on! I’ve been busy!

I know some readers were checking me out, stats are getting better and better. I wish I was a better blogger. I’ll change. Believe me. I announce tuesdays the ‘Blogging Day’. We’ll see how long it’ll work

Lets do some digging through my thoughts, if you’re interested. Quick selection, rejecting girly meaningless dramatic bullshit (90%) and leaving this 10% that states ‘o-ma-gosh-how-to-tell-em-what-the-hell-i-am-thinking-about-now’. Challenging.

Oh, I know! Wouldn’t be a surprise for those who have read some on this blog! Guess where I am going! Yes, Stockholm indeed. I’m so happy, missed you, my beloved city! (I don’t want you, readers, to get bored so that’s it in Stockholm-issue ). Hopefully this year will be also full of traveling as the previous one. If everything works out, Vienna next month. Eurotrip in summer. Maybe Berlin in March, for May some serious Western-Poland-Ukraine trip. So many plans, so much fun, all with great people, that’s what matters

one – trips- check

two -… … ?

My brain stopped working, aghrrrrr. I don’t want to write my, lets call them, ‘deep girly thoughts’. That one I’ll leave for the end.   I find my posts so out of any order, it’s not even cool. Messy crappy scary talking. Blame it to the fever, oh yes, you, fever, are making me sick. Which is unkind of you and abso-fuckin-lutely not good! So many things to do and all energy I could use profitable is sucked out. <cough cough> But today I feel better, one of ex’s called, told him to get the fuck out of my life, started to sing this typically girly ‘I don’t need you anymore, I’ve been good for these 2years you haven;t talked to me at all’ song and that is (yo yo try to guess, try to guess it bro!) Strong enough by Cher (…sometimes I am wondering if she’s a woman, no offence) aaaaaand that is why my sore throat is that sore as it is!

My day today sort of ended with TV series session. Gossip Girl (yeah… sorry to disappoint you but I’ll be typical in this- Chuck Bass, marry me). This not so stupid Blair-Chuck plot really makes me think about stuff I try not to think since summer bullshit. But I watched latest episode and got mindfucked again (Goddamn you, Chuck Bass).

So, as the end of the post, a little piece of afterthought:

Some say that absence makes a heart grow fonder. But at the same time doesn’t it make you forget the feeling?

I leave you with this

 

 

 

 

 

never give up on people you love. this is my answer. always.

Santa-who?

Holidays are comming, holidays are comming! Christmas tree, gifts, this great atmosphere, something that I call kitchen frustration and all this stuff! Snow, everything covered with it, cold outside but warm inside. What do you like about Christmas? Me personally I love eating, after these 3days I’m unable to walk, I’m simply crawling! So here it comes, The Food, The Tree, The Atmosphere, The Decorations!

Can you feel it? Do you feel that, huh?

Well, I don’t. No snow, Coca Cola commercial quite different this year, even the Christmas tree seems different, everything’s different!

So I thought- what the hell? (huhu, chosen a perfect word, Ania, bravo – hell) and then gosh, I’m so old! Speaking of that isn’t it true that Christmas are total fun only when you’re a kiddo? All this excitement! Is Santa comming, even though I was a sick tyke last year? Presents, presents, empty Christmas tree then BAM! tons of lovely boxes decorated with colorful christmas paper, and ALL is MINE oh, I miss that.

Still what everyone wants you to believe in is that not presents matter but the atmosphere!

So this Christmas I wish y’all (and myself too) to find this atmosphere at your homes. Cherish the moment. Be nice to this unkle-pervert and annoying aunty.  Enjoy it to the fullest. And though I won’t be able to pack myself into the box and jump out off it at your homes on Christmas Eve (which I really really really regret I cannot do) to give you a big hug, great wishes and spend a wonderful, fun time, let yourself forget about the day-to-day problems, at least for few hours, and simply have some childlike fun! Just enjoy it!